a letter to the snails...

Dear Snails:

You probably think this letter isn't about you. You're wrong. How can you know? Ask yourself: "Am I Student Not Actually In Law School?" If the answer is yes, you're a snail.

It's not quite a term of affection, but an more of an easy and quick descriptor. However, we do restrain ourselves and do not call you snails (a) to your face or (b) while we are slumming on the rest of campus. No, it is only when you enter the hallowed halls of the little law school on the prairie that we refer to you as snails.

For example, today I found myself in the position of being the only law student in a row of forty desks in the Law Library; I was surrounded by science students. There was no respite to be found in the law student lounge which was full of commerce students taking up all the available tables and chairs.

We understand that as law students we are incredibly cool and you want to be like us. It's a burden we have come to accept. However, it is simply going too far. We need our space; being this cool is a lot of work and we need some down time. A chance to relax in our lounge with other law students, where we can take a break from being so cool.

Despite your little death glares, we will not feel guilty for asking you to be quiet and to not do your science group work in the middle of the law library. The law is a solitary mistress, she does not like groups. We must work individually our noses in books briefing cases, interpreting 100 year old cases, and writing papers. Quiet helps immensely.

We also understand that our shiny new, environmentally-certified building makes us even cooler and current. You poor commerce snails, we feel for you. Yes, you had a shiny new building, but ours came along and all of a sudden yours looks old and gray. However, we paid for our new building; students and faculty donated money so we could have our own space. It's one thing to use our library, but our student lounge and our classrooms, they are for us. We need the space. We spent a term as refugees with no home on- or off-campus. Angelina Jolie was actually considering adopting us, we were in such a state.

Please give us some time to enjoy our space. If you really want to be like us, write the LSAT and then you too can spend three long years within these prison walls, oops hallowed halls. Plus, you will lose your snail status and be able to look down on those annoying people in the law lounge who used to be you.

Sincerely,

Those of us actually in law school