i tweet therefore i am

So pre-flight the other day, I couldn't sleep and was bouncing around on the interweb, bored and looking for something to do. I ended up finally looking at twitter. Until then I had successfully avoided all things twitter. In a moment that I may end up describing as either genius or weakness, I joined.

So yes, you can now follow me on twitter. I don't think I'll be one of those people who tweets each time I twitch, but you never know. I imagine I'll just tweet short thoughts, links to random things and have the odd twitter conversation (does anyone know what that's called?). Also, I'll probably tweet new blog posts as well.

I'm not following many people so far, and don't have many followers. I think if I keep using it I'll follow a few more people. Maybe some of the people I have praised and punished on this blog should be followed.

these eyes

I've always prided myself on my vision. I've always been the one who could see the small text far away. I never expected that I would have to get glasses. However, that's no longer the case. Law school has wrecked my vision.

Okay, it's true that I haven't had my eyes checked for eight years. Maybe its not all law school's fault. However until the words "I'm in law school" came out of my mouth, it looked like my need for glasses could have been put off for a few more years. I know that would have been postponing the inevitable, but it would have left me glasses free for a while.

My eyesight isn't that bad, however one eye is radically different from the other I have learned. It's the fact that I spend all day reading that is really driving the need. However, I should also notice an improvement when driving, less fatigue looking into the distance.

Now, I am on a quest for frames. I've blogged before of the challenges of my big head. Unfortunately it appears to be a problem for glasses as well. I trudged off to the local eyeglass shop. After trying on pair after pair that didn't fit, it came down to "show me the biggest ones you've got". A parade of ugly glasses came forth. One wasn't too bad, however I look like Drew Carey when I'm wearing them.

I want a fashionable pair, but is it possible? Kenneth Cole just doesn't make glasses big enough for me. Thankfully, the woman offered to bring in a few others on spec for me to try.

I tried the other glass shop without much more luck, but have found two frames that are in stock that may work. The question is, what look do I want to have for the next two years? I'm in school so still want something fashionable and fun, but will also be clerking with the court, so do I need something simple and professional? Gah! What would Russell Smith do? I don't have his book with me to see if he has a section on this?

These are the business/work friendly frames I found:


I can't find an image online of the other pair, but will keep looking. Maybe I'll take some snapshots of me wearing them and invite comments and suggestions!

men in capris

Yes, I said men in capris, not men in trees. It seems a recent trend that men are being marketed capris. It's a fine line between a long pair of shorts and capris. My advice, and I'm sure Russell woud agree, is to say no to capris.

How this came about is a recent incident here in Name-of-Town-Withheld. It's one of those incidents that happens in a small town. I was walking and saw a man in capris. Now he is tall and thin and if anyone can pull them off, it's probably him, but the problem is, he's my dentist.

How can I take him seriously at my next appointment? I'm going to be thinking, hey, he wears capris! That just seems wrong. I want my professionals to look like professionals. Now, I'm sure he doesn't show up at the office that way, it was probably a day off.

Much like a firearm, there should be a 72-hour cooling period if you want to buy capris. Men should have to go home and think about it. Sure, you're in the store, you see them, they look cool on the mannequin, you're thinking, hey Brad Pitt would probably wear them, so why not me and boom you have bought them. However, if you had to go home and seriously think about it for three days, I'm sure the impulse would pass.

Come to think of it, there should be a similar rule for Speedos!

one size fits all is a lie

I have a very large head, there's no denying. Even other people with big noggins have commented on the sheer size of my scalp. I've blogged before about my love for the movie "So I Married an Axe-Murder!" In it is a hilarious scene where Mike Myers, playing his character's father does a bit of routine on his brother's head. This was me growing up. You can catch a bit of it here:

How all this head talk has come about is that old man winter has blown onto the prairie for good this time and I've decided to sport an old man hat for the season. But this isn't any ordinary old man hat; it's harris tweed, but it's got gor-tex. 

One of the reasons for this specific hat is that one size fits all hats are a lie! Don't believe them. They may fit most, but they won't fit all. My noggin is not going into a one size fits all hat. When I find some who makes an XXL hat I feel compelled to buy it out of gratitude alone, regardless of what I may think of the hat.  

As for those shocked and appalled by the thought of an XXL hat, my ski-doo helmet is an XXXL and has that conveniently printed across the back for the world to see. I'm surprised I can stand upright when I have it on. It's probably about forty pounds of plastic and padding. I don't resent the helmet though, as my head is how I make my living and it needs to be safe.

Anyways, back to the old man hat. I bought this because the XXL actually included my size, 7 and 7/8 inches, yes I pretty much have eight inches (insert innuendo here). I like the style but I'm not sure I'm loving it yet. Here's me in my old man hat:

I think Russell would approve, but do you?

oops, she did it again

Now calm down everybody, not to worry. This is not a Britney Spears post. You may recall I declared this blog a britney-free zone ages ago. No, the she I am referring to is Sarah Hampson. Oh yes, the columnist of the Tim Horton's relationship, and the if you're 40 with no failed marriage behind you you're doomed on the modern dating scence has struck again. How many times am I going to have to give her the withering look of disapproval(tm)?

It appears Thursdays are Ms. Hampson's days to work out her being single issues and wax pathetically, not poetically on the modern dating scene. To begin with, go read her latest column "The Rules (for Women of a Certain Age)". Go on, I know you want to, it's like a car wreck, you know you shouldn't but you can't look away.

Now, maybe Ms. Hampson is trying to be ironic and poke fun at the original authors of The Rules, but if so well she missed the mark. Given her recent set of articles this all seems quite serious.

Not happy with the "single-single" label she set for single people several weeks ago, Ms. Hampson introduces a new term, the recycled singleton. Maybe this term belongs to those in the 40 and over with a failed marriage club. The fact that you are a recycled singleton indicates that you're not "single-single", but that yes you have taken Ms. Hampson's so-called leap of faith and have a failed marriage behind you. Recycled singleton is like code, sending a signal that you haven't always been single so you're more desirable than the single-single.

So what advice did Ms. Hampson receive that she felt was so important to share with her readers, how about this golden tip "Do not embrace the muu muu." Wow, that's earth shattering, who would have known. You're like a Russell Smith for women, providing valuable fashion advice. Nice to see you're not playing into cliches and stereotypes at all Ms. Hampson.

Ms. Hampson goes on to quote a certain older gentlemen who provides this nugget about dating older women:

To meet an older woman with those attributes is like sitting in a broken-in seat in a car. New leather is slippery. But a broken-in seat, well, there's nothing more comfortable and nothing more personal.

Now, I wonder if Ms. Hampson included this to drive women out of the dating scene, because who isn't going to be turned off dating if there are men like this out there. Maybe Ms. Hampson is looking to get rid of some of her competition by keeping them out of the 'pool' all together.

Other nuggets from Ms. Hampson, lost the bitterness, dating isn't therapy and don't talk too much about your kids. Don't be a drama queen. Also, you may be a powerful, successful business women, but don't be any of those when you're dating. Are we still at this level in our society? If so, then I truly do feel sad, but I find it had to believe that Ms. Hampson's singular view of the world reflects reality.

I think it's only fair that at some point there should be The Rules: For Men of A Certain Age. In my view there's only one, men of a certain age or weight should not wear a speedo, and I think we can all agree on that.

mr. big stuff, who do you think you are?

I was at the grocery store today picking up a few items and one of my biggest pet peeves happened again. No, it wasn't someone who was surprised at the idea they have to pay; it was a person who insisted on shopping from the check-out line.

Now, when I say shopping from the check-out line, I don't mean this person was humming and hawing over which magazine or candy to buy in the tantrum inducing parent trap that is the check-out display. I mean this person had their basket of goods on the conveyor belt but was proceeding to run around the store and pick up those items she so "conveniently forgot". Seriously, who forgets to grab hot dog buns when you've picked up hot dogs?

If it was one item, maybe I'd be prepared to cut a person some slack, but when you're going up and down aisles, come on! Proper shopping etiquette means lifting your basket off the conveyor belt, putting it aside, giving a little wave to the next person in line, and THEN dashing madly around the store to get your items.

This grocery store is not a large one, and is never overly busy so it's not like a spot near the front of the check-out line is a precious commodity. Particularly in this case where all the woman's items were still in a basket, there was no reason to hold a spot.

I can understand if you have all your items laid out on the conveyor; but even in that case at least acknowledge the inconvenience you are causing to the people behind you. A knowing look, a 'slap-stick style' hand to the head pronouncing what you've forgotten will garner some good will, or at least neutral feelings. Do you think I like whipping out my 'withering look of disapproval'(tm)?

Maybe I'll follow in the footsteps of Mr. Smith and pen a book on etiquette for the modern man and woman: how to navigate your way through society without invoking the withering look of disapproval(tm) from those of us in the know.

what would russell do: "look twins"

In a small town, what do you do when someone else is wearing the same clothes?

The other day I passed a guy on the street wearing pretty much the same outfit as me. Our shirts were identical and we were both in jeans. I smiled, silently congratulating him on his style choices, walked on and didn’t look back. Thankfully this was a simple run-in on the street, but at times it’s been someone in the same meeting where there is no escape.

In any other town this may be a fashion faux pas, but I’ve come to accept it as a fact of life here in the ‘knife. There are very few places for men to shop in this town, one high-end (and I use the term loosely) shop, one practical store and two low-end chain stores. One of these stores is off-limit as a friend of mine once said to his niece, “Honey, we don’t buy shoes at Wal-Mart!”

Unfortunately the numbers are against us; someone in town is going to have bought the same clothes as you. Sooner or later they will be wearing the same outfit on the same day and your paths will cross.

I think my reaction above is the appropriate response, but what if the clothes look better on the other person? Is a simple acknowledgment enough, should you go home and change?

Also, if you are a co-worker of people in this situation, don’t go around clapping your hands together and saying “look twins” or making proclamations like “wow, you guys are dressed alike”. We know already and don’t need it pointed out.

a few simple rules...

I think Russell Smith has been too busy with his various other projects to be out and about this spring advocating the better rules of fashion. Whether it is his Globe column, his CBC radio show, or hiding from the jihad the little sister has launched against him on her blog, something has been keeping him quiet on the topic of clothing.

Whatever the reason, I have decided that he hasn't been out and about, and I offer the following guidelines for the fashionably challenged I have seen or discussed in the last few days.

First, it was scorching hot in Edmonton this weekend, where I was for the Police concert (more on this later). I understand it was the first nice weekend in spring and people would want to enjoy it. But guys, if you're skin is pasty white and you're boney, keep a shirt on. I'm willing to accept shorts, but your white pasty ribs in my face, NO.

I'm sure some of you pasty white boney people are saying "oi - how am I supposed to get dark if I can't reveal my pasty white skin". TAN IN YOUR BACKYARDS! Once you have some meat and colour on your body, come on out. Until then - keep it under wraps.

Next, for the girls - it's a night out, you want to have a good time, show off some assets. Hoochie it up a little, I understand. However, those tarty clothes don't fit anymore, put them away. Don't pry yourself into those old jeans, with boobs, butts and rolls falling out all over. Really, keep it away. Pick up some new clothes, you'll look even sexier.

At spin class the other day, the subject of bike shorts came up. Do you wear anything under your bike shorts. The answer from the instructor was if the short's padded, nothing goes under. My advice if you're not crazy about bike shorts, the double short is a solution, bike shorts, with an outer short attached.

Finally at lunch today, office attire came up. Tank tops, cut-offs and flip flops are not appropriate for the workplace, particularly if you work in a jail. First, practical reasons, if I'm working in a jail, I want to be able to run, which is not going to happen in flip flops. As the little sister sarcstically said, "Why not? I like to walk around with a t-shirt that says slut across my breasts when I go to the jail". People, remember where you are.

I know I seem very uptight and strict about these things (possibly prudish?) but really if we all follow these rules, the world could be a better place.

to dye or not to dye, part two

A not-so anonymous poster placed a comment in response to my post on going grey. The comment essentially is what would russell do?

A brilliant thought I had not yet had. I marched off to my bookshelf and pulled out Russell's book "Men's Style - the thinking man's guide to dress" to find out. (BTW Russell, notice the repeated plugs for the book, I could use some swag in return)

Chapter 12 - Hair. I will save you Russell's take on the mullet, and just note that he is in favour of the traditional standbys when it comes to choosing a hair cut. Hmmmm, this isn't helping yet. But wait, the next section is Colour. I sense an answer coming.

There is nothing unmanly about wildly dyed hair - as long as it's obviously fake. Paradoxically, it's the dye job that aims at looking natural that tends to make men squirm. We can joke about where we get our tips bleached yellow, but we probably won't joke about our normal-looking dark brown hair if we are hiding the dark secret that its true colour is grey. It's the kind of thing we will whisper about others ("Do you think he dyes his hair?") rather than boast about ourselves.

And yet men are hesitating less and less about getting natural-looking dye jobs, just as women always have.Why not? If the technology is available to make you look ten years younger, then you should have no fear in indulging it.

I could go on as Russell debates the merits of D-I-Y kits and the salon. But his general conclusion is that it's better to go wacky and different and fashionable, then try to match your natural colour.

Judging by the comments and Russell's advice, it appears I'm going to go grey gracefully.

to dye or not to dye, that is the question...

I don't know if it's because of a recent hair cut, but a lot of people have been commenting on a noticeable increase of gray hair on my head. It may also be because I'm surrounded by a bunch of 22 year-olds who still haven't seen their first gray hair.

I started going gray about 10 to 12 years ago. All of a sudden a few appeared and then the process just seemed to stop. I think it was when I was in University last time that they started to appear. My hair is lighter anyways so it tends not to be noticeable in small doses.

However, the last year or so has seen a noticeable increase in the gray hair. It's no longer a few stray strands at my temples, it slowly moved around the sides and back of my head. More recently, they have migrated to the top.

A critical mass of gray hair that will force me to answer the question, "to dye or not to dye?" is rapidly approaching.

I've always liked the look of grey hair, and at times thought it would be great for my hair just to go all gray. I even looked into dying it gray, but it's not really possible. However, now faced with a growing number, my resolve to stay gray is weakening.

True, there are several benefits to gray that way in its favour. Anderson Cooper (aged 39) has been gray for years and wears it well. As a lawyer, I think gray hair can make me look smarter and more distinguished, both good things considering how little I actually seem to know about the law.

However, surrounded by youth, it is tempting to wash that gray right out of my hair. I've always had a bit of a babyface, and thanks to my nana, have good skin and can usually pass for younger than I am. In fact, most people at school have been surprised when they learn my true age. More gray and that's going to be harder to pull off. Dyed though, and I can still probably pass for younger than I actually am.

It's a tough call, and I'm not at the point of making a final decision yet; I'll need to wait for some more gray before that point hits. However, right now I am leaning to stay gray.

what would russell do?

Every Saturday I check the Globe and Mail style section to see what Russell Smith has to say about men's style.

I've been a fan of Russell's for some time and find his style advice hits all the right notes. People may say that he's too stiff, too strict or just too much of a dandy, but I think he's providing a valuable service. Growing up men aren't taught what to wear, thier mothers dress them, then girlfriends, then wives. When in a position to dress themselves, they are often lost, me included.

I like to think I dress reasonable well, but when in doubt, I'll ask myself what would Russell do? Actually, since the brillant gift of Russell's book that I received last christmas (thanks to the yellowknife moms), I can always flip through the chapters to find out what he would do. For the record, baseball hats don't exist in Russell's world. Also, the cargo shorts, flip flops, quirky-tee, and baseball hat "boy" uniform is explicitly banned. In Russell's world, you're a man, dress like one. Oh yeah, buy an iron.

It's nice to know that as a student, Russell has granted me an exemption, but once law school's done, Russell's book and I will be going suit shopping.